Holding on to my femininity in a male-dominated field: A guide to staying true to yourself

Omg you’re back…

This post is quite a special one and is about a topic that has never been brought up on here before, but I think is deeply important to discuss,🌟 the importance of embracing femininity in engineering! 🌟

Throughout my journey so far, one of the key lessons that has truly helped me grow is the power of embracing and accepting my true self without fear of judgment.   

So, if you’ve ever felt pressured to hide a certain part of yourself to belong or are currently trying to reignite your spark, this one’s for you <3

NOTE TO THE GUYS: please don’t scroll past this because you’re allergic to the G word (**cough cough** GIRLS), because I promise there’s heaps to take away for you too ☺️

My journey through girlhood while studying engineering 👭🏽🤸🏽💞

Growing up with two sisters, memories of my childhood consist of painting our nails sparkly pink, caking each other’s faces with make up (why on earth is applying eyeliner harder than solving a dynamics problem?!), fangirling over Bridgit Mendler’s songs (who’s a girlboss CEO of a space company now), playing Barbie games on our PlayStation and fighting over the same wig when we were bald (all the brown girlies- iykyk). By being surrounded by the women who inspire me most, I’ve never felt more grateful to be a woman or more encouraged to embrace my femininity (regardless of how outrageous my outfits might be sometimes lol). Staying true to myself and my passions has shown me that these are the pieces that truly make me whole.

Some memories from girlhood 💖

Losing myself (and finding my way back)

After entering my engineering studies, there were times where these parts of me felt lost. Coming from a Bengali background, most of the women in my family were discouraged from pursuing careers in STEM because they were perceived as avenues designed solely for men. With many of them excelling in business, I struggled to find female role models in STEM. I thought that to embrace my ambitious “future-engineer” self, I had to compromise the feminine part of me, and slowly, this shaped how I carried and saw myself.

I began to trade my 🎀 pink coquette 🎀 clothes for neutral basics (while still remaining stylish, of course- the main-character energy I attain by using uni as my runway is astronomical) in order to blend into the sea of black hoodies and sweats that infiltrated every lecture hall. I thought by blending in (even though I knew I would stand out like a sore thumb just by being an X chromosome ), I would feel like I belonged there and for others to take me seriously. Simultaneously, I felt the constant need to prove to myself that I was smart enough for this degree through studying for maniacal periods to chase the unrealistic standard of having a 9.0.

A key experience that fed this insecurity was during Part I while seeking help from a tutor on how to solve a problem (dynamics-related, of course 😅). Instead of support, I was met with a dismissive and snarky attitude that implied I wasn’t worth helping simply because I was a woman and supposedly ‘too dumb’ to understand. These experiences caused me to struggle in envisioning my place in the field and questioning whether I would ever truly feel like I ‘belonged’. In desperation to prove myself, engineering eventually became my entire personality, and I began to lose touch with the other key aspects of myself: my love for reading, painting, listening to music, making my little sister do all my chores…literally everything.

Belonging = embracing yourself 🫶🏽

This need to ‘fit in’ and conform to our environment isn’t always gender-targeted. It is normal for anyone to feel doubtful about themselves at any point in their lives. But as I came to understand, the only way to truly ‘belong’ isn’t to fit into moulds designed by other people, it is to embrace the current shape you’re already in.

But the most important realisation of all was acknowledging that my femininity was a strength, not a liability. I wanted to challenge the tired notion that women must harden themselves to survive in STEM and instead prove that success doesn’t require erasing who we are, but redefining what it looks like altogether.

💫 Redefining what success can look like as a woman in STEM 💫

So much of the time, when we hear about a woman who was “successful” in STEM, she is stripped of all her femininity to reach that success. Often, trailblazing women are portrayed as stone-cold or hard-lined people in order to succeed in male-dominated fields, as if it’s a kind of game they have to play in order to “win”. As a result of this, it often results in women being perceived as “successful” despite being women rather than because of it.

But what about the women who don’t wish to become engineers and girlbosses? The modern feminist movement often only encompasses ambitious and career-driven women. But it is crucial to also include women who define success differently- those who may prioritise creativity, community, balance, family, or personal passions alongside (or even outside of) their careers.

Women should be able to strive for their dreams in STEM without feeling the need to relinquish their femininity in order to succeed. Feminism should embrace ALL women, homemakers, hobbyists, structural engineers and rocket scientists alike. Whether if it’s through being a nurturer, being a “girl’s girl”, having meaningful friendships, enjoying pilates and matcha or tracking cycles together, femininity looks different for everyone.

Ultimately, success as a woman in STEM should not be measured by how well we mimic existing moulds, but by how authentically we live and work in alignment with who we truly are.

So now comes the big question:

What does it actually mean to embrace yourself?

For me, it wasn’t some magical ✨self-discovery✨ moment, it was a bunch of small realisations that slowly reignited my spark:

Owning my quirks instead of hiding them 💝 Whether that’s pink stationery, groovy outfits, or being that person who answers every question on Ed Discussion, those quirks are what make you valuable. (And honestly, life’s too short to pretend you love black hoodies when you don’t).

Remembering why I chose engineering in the first place 💡Whenever I felt lost, I’d ask myself: What excites me? What impact do I actually want to make? It reminded me I’m here because I care, not just because I want to prove I can ace Dynamics without crying (lol, impossible).

Learning to take the L’s 💔 Bombing a test, getting roasted in a lab, or feeling like you don’t know anything? Been there. But those moments don’t define you. How you bounce back does.

Building a hype squad 🙌🏽 Surround yourself with people who get you, the ones who remind you that you’re more than your GPA. For me, it’s late-night venting with my sisters, being with the amazing Robogals execs (totally NOT a plug lol), and friends who let me ugly-cry before exams and still show up with snacks.

Things I realised are most important to me:

Looking back, I realise that embracing my femininity and passions hasn’t just amplified my happiness – it has also made me a stronger future engineer, a more confident teammate, and an empathetic friend. Embracing my peculiarities, passions, and values has allowed me to navigate a male-dominated field without losing sight of who I really am.

TL;DR

So whether it’s walking around with all-pink stationary, rocking Lululemon head-to-toe, asking questions fearlessly or shamelessly spam emailing companies begging for an internship (why is the market so cooked rn 😭), always remember: your uniqueness is your spark 🌟

So own it, nurture it and let it guide you through every lecture, lab, tutorial, and project. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be the thing that gets you (finally) hired.